Tired of friendships? Why not take an App.

It didn’t take this article by Prof Green to make me realise that people talk a lot of shit on social media (currently over 31 million users on Facebook talking crap till the cows come home). But it did get me to thinking that there is somethingbrewing in the air. People are getting the hump with social media and questioning it’s actual ‘sociability’.

I’m not going to get on the bandwagon and start berating the use of these sites because as the Stone Roses once said ‘I’m hooked line and sinker she’s my heroin’.  If loving social media is wrong, then I don’t want to be right. I’m guilty as hell of showing social media preference over real life sociability. Why? Because I dislike most people and I’m extremely lazy. This makes having a normal social life tricky. But enter social media site of choice and I’m spared a life of being outside of the loop. Yes I want to know that you’re in a relationship and happy and of course I want to see the photos of your new squeeze but no I can’t be bothered to sit through and entire coffee with you and I’m sure the feeling is mutual.

Prof Green does make a valid point about the inanity of posts but you only have to look at most people you know to realise this can’t be helped. Most people are boring and unimaginative (hence why funny forwards were invented, so we can look funny without actually having to work at it) this reinforces my preference for Facebook communication over the Starbucks variety. After all if you can’t stand to read about the dump your friends’ kid took in a nappy or their unremarkable thoughts on X-factor then imagine the hell you’ll experience sitting with them for an hour. It’s easier to scroll using almost no thumb effort past their update and the ‘like’ button than it is to fake enthusiasm and interest in their presence.

Social media gives you the option to dip in and out of people’s lives, thus prolonging a friendship that probably wouldn’t have survived otherwise.  Surely it’s better to keep the option of that friendship open should you change your mind at some stage in the future. Why passive-aggressively delete people off of your Facebook when you can more cunningly add them to a dormant friend category which stops them seeing anything you do. The beauty of this is that most of them won’t even know they are there and when you’re in a place to share with them again, hear all their news and take an active interest then you simply un-mute them without having ever hurt their feelings or revealed the massive grumpy arsehole that long ago killed your soul and took you over. If their moon is in correct alignment with your-anus and you’re not on their ‘naughty friends step’ then the friendship will flourish and it will be a beautiful mutually ‘liking’ endeavor. What could be more civilised than this?

Original article found here

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