Shrinking your Head as well as your Thighs

What on earth am I talking about, I hear you ask? Hypnosis, that’s what. And I don’t mean the kind that leaves you barking like a dog in a crowded pub against your will (or is that just me?). I’m talking about the kind of hypnosis being offered as the modern worlds cure for just about everything.

Hypnotherapy, it would seem, is used for a variety of things. It’s said to help you quit smoking, it can rid you of your insecurities, your fat, the need for anaesthetic during medical procedures and mostly your bank balance (miracles don’t come cheap my lovelies). Now that’s not to say it isn’t worth every penny if it can help with issues that medical professionals have no solutions for. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for it. After all, it’s like they say, everything is a case of mind over matter (‘if you don’t mind, it don’t matter’). Isn’t that what the Jedi’s have been trying to teach us all along: to use the force? (Or ‘forks’ as I misguidedly thought as a child. I did wonder why they were so obsessed with cutlery but I just assumed they were a species of constant snackers, forever fearing they’d come across food and not have the utensils to eat it with. After all, to that I can relate.)

So is there anything in this hypno-cods-wallop (as my mother calls it)? Well it sounded plausible in theory, but one can never be entirely sure until one tries these things out for ones own self. And so one did. And one found it to be a rather fruitful endeavour. (I could get into this posh malarkey. Perhaps I’ll become a hypnotherapist, make a packet and become well and truly posh).

First thing on my hypno-list was losing weight (of course it was, like so many women, I love eating, hate dieting and wish I were a few dress sizes thinner): and so I bought one of those ‘I can make you thin’ CDs. My friends, I would love to tell you what happened beyond the intro, “do not listen to this eyes closed process whilst operating machinery”, but I simply can’t because I fell asleep. And it wasn’t just the first time I fell asleep either, I fell asleep every single time I listened to it! Paul McKenna would start speaking, I’d start snoozing and around 3 weeks later I did in fact lose weight! No word of a lie, I did, it was in fact the diet miracle I’ve been waiting for all my life. I ate everything I wanted to eat (no exceptions) and I lost weight in the process. With his hypno-healing ways he shrank my head AND my thighs and for a while he was elevated to a God in my books. So I can tell you, hand on my heart, there is something in it. But I don’t need to tell you that I put it all back on as soon as I stopped listening to the CD, because unfortunately cake overthrew Paul McKenna as my god and resumed it’s rightful place. So my conclusion is this: hypnosis is powerful but cake is king.

Original article found here


5 thoughts on “Shrinking your Head as well as your Thighs

  1. I had some really great hypnosis but it never lasts long enough. No matter how hard I try cake is always king in my life too. Or biscuits, or chocolate… 🙂

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